Between having a lot of forced overtime, and being busy with baby lately, I have had little time to actually do things that need done - but lots of time to think about it. I figured while I have the rare opportunity to do some writing, I would take the time to throw around some ideas and thoughts I'm having, and I'd like to hear your opinions on a few things.
First thing first, what would you do in my situation? I could move my house (a fairly new, nice manufactured home) onto our own land, and not have to pay for a house payment or lot rent.. but it would need the bathroom redone, and we wouldn't have a ton of room. We would always be limited. Otherwise, we could buy a house-house, or a new manufacture double wide with extra space. I would really like the extra space, but at the same time I would sure enjoy being able to work part time if possible. Being home more would be a dream come true!
I'm hesitant, because I strongly believe that we only get one shot at this life and we need to do the best we can in it. I know if we didn't buy a new house, I could afford to work part time, travel places, and live comfortably. However, as we all know - I'm basically a hoarder/collector, and really need the extra space for things. As it stands now, if I did end up moving the house I have - I would have to do a lot of moneys worth of remodeling still.
Secondly, I am trying to decide what to do job-wise. I am getting paid a very good wage for my location right now, and it's only going to go up over the next few years. However, I don't know that I'm happy working holidays, birthdays, odd hours, and tons of overtime.. I want to be able to enjoy my life. It's just tough, because I know I won't be able to find another job around here that pays this well - I feel stuck, to put it bluntly. I'm the only one working, and the only one supporting my family.
I know it's not the most popular opinion, but I absolutely refuse to put (let's refer to baby as R) - R in daycare. I don't believe he should grow up under someone else's beliefs. The fact that I do work in emergency services also makes me possibly somewhat overly paranoid that something will happen to him. Quite frankly, I don't really trust other people anymore, and definitely don't trust them with R. I don't believe it is good for him, me, or anyone else for him to be raised by someone else away from home.
I want so badly to believe in people still, and feel like they are good again. Unfortunately, there aren't enough anxiety meds or anti depressants in the world to do that. For those of you that don't work in emergency services - you think the world is bad now (I know I did), but you don't really know unless you see it first hand every day. It takes a huge toll on you, and wears you down more than you could believe.
So what do I do about that? Well, besides my baby and my animals making me happy - I spend money. Sometimes, too much money. Hence the reason I always have stuff to take pictures of.. ha! Regardless, I suppose the best you can do is keep moving on and just have faith things will work out how they should.
Thanks for taking the time to listen to my rant!