Through a majority of high school I loved theatre. I love it so much so, that I actually considered pursuing a career in acting. Five years ago I could've done it.. now, I don't believe I could be an actress. The difference between now and then? I've figured out who I am. I found out today that my acting has gotten a lot worse, and I am fully aware of the reasoning behind that. Now that I know myself well enough to understand my feelings and the reasoning behind them, it's more difficult than ever for me to pretend to be someone I'm not.
I wish more than anything I could do what I used to do- fall into a dream and pretend I'm someone I'm not. Let myself be someone else, experience things from another persons point of view. It's all a game, and once upon a time I was one of the best players... now I hardly know what to do.
I'm hoping with a little more trying I can get out of my acting "slump". While I appreciate myself for who I am at this point in my life, I also want to be able to pretend to be someone else on a dime like I used to be able to. It takes a lot of self control, and a somewhat distorted view of the world. The innocence I am now lacking which causes me to be unable to do that has probably affected me more strongly than anything else I've encountered in the past five years.